


Love and Spiders

by Little_Red



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5174444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Red/pseuds/Little_Red
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by these two prompts and the spider that crawled up my arm the other day.</p><p>Prompt: Howdy new neighbor I know you probably don’t know my name but you smiled at me the other day and you seem pretty nice so can you please help me and kill the giant spider in my kitchen. I will gift you with food. http://unblockingwritersblock.tumblr.com/</p><p>Prompt: if you put that spider anywhere near me, you’ll face your death very early. http://alloftheprompts.tumblr.com/</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love and Spiders

**Author's Note:**

> No smut, it’s my first Hobbit fan fic, Canadian reader (and writer), Scarred reader, Adult reader. I hope you like it!

"What kind of call was that?" I yelled at the TV screen, appalled at the penalty the ref just called on against my hockey team, that was a legit goal! Throwing back the last of my beer, I headed into the kitchen, to check the pasta sauce that was simmering on the stove and to grab another beer.

Checking the sauce, I saw that it was almost ready, all I need was to start another pot of water to boil and get the spaghetti out. Once that was done, I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and went to go finishing watching the hockey game. 

And that's when I saw it. Watching me. The biggest spider I had ever seen outside of a zoo. Clinging to my cupboard like it owned the place. And it was sizing me up like I was its next meal. I froze, praying that I was imagining things, that it wasn't really there. Then it twitched. 

I screamed, dropping the beer bottle and running out of my apartment, slamming the door shut and leaning against the opposite wall, trying to put as much distance between me and my new roommate as possible. I needed to find someone to evict said roommate ASAP.

"Elrond?" I muttered to myself, but a quick glance at my watch showed that he would still be at work. And Lindir is quite possibly more scared of spiders than I am, so that ruled him out. The sound of muffed voices drifting down the hall pulled me out of my musing. It was coming from my new neighbors apartment. My new neighbor. He seemed like a nice young man, and smiled at me the other morning on my way to work. Maybe he could evict my unwanted squatter.

My mind made up, I approached his door where I could still hear muffled voices. "Damn, what if he has company?" I worried to myself, but the thought of being possibly homeless thanks to that spider spurred me on. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. The voices quieted and I could hear someone moving towards the door. The door opened up and instead of the long brown hair and warm brown eyes that I was expecting to see; I was looking into beautiful blue eyes, long golden hair and a neatly kept beard, that had two thin braids that framed his soft looking lips. His beard was braided. And while one might find that weird in this day and age, I found it ruggedly sexy. Then the sexy bearded man smiled at me, flashing a set of dimples and I was done for.

"Wow" I breathed out, completely enthralled. Those dimples flashed again. 

"I'm sorry?" Dimples questioned, snapping me out of my trance.

"Oh! Hi! I'm sorry!!" I squeaked, completely flustered by the gorgeous man in front of me, "Umm I'm sorry but I was looking for my neighbor, a young man with long dark hair?" I explained hurriedly. "I wanted to know if he could help me evict an unwanted guest..." 

"Fee?" I heard man's voice call out, making the man look over his shoulder "Who is at the door?" I saw my neighbor come around the corner to stand by 'Fee'. 

The blond man focused on me again "Hi, I'm Fili and this is my little brother Kili" he started, "We both live here, but I was out of town for work and just got back last night."

"Kili this is...." Fili trailed off, looking at me expectantly. 

"Y/N" I spoke up "I live across the hall" I gestured towards my apartment. 

"Ah yes" Kili replied "I've seen you around." he said, smiling warmly at me. 

"Anyways" Fili broke in "Y/N said she needs help getting rid of an unwanted guest, right?" he explained "Are you alright, do we need to call the cops?" he asked worriedly, his gaze settling on my scarred cheek.

I smiled at his concern, my fingers automatically going up to rub the light scar that graced my cheekbone, courtesy of a drunken fall and the reason that I don't wear stilettos anymore. "No I don't need the cops, but an exterminator maybe" I chuckled nervously.

The brothers exchanged a look "Just what kind of roommate do you have? And where did you find them? Craigslist?" Kili asked me curiously. 

"A spider of epic proportions has taken up residence in my kitchen, and I think he was planning on eating me!" I blurted out "It jumped at me so I screamed and ran" I finished, biting my lip anxiously. 

"And now I can't get back into my house and I was in the middle of watching the hockey game and making supper" I whined. 

"Who's winning the game?" Kili asked 

"I will get rid of it for you" Fili said at the same time. 

"THANK YOU" I sighed in relief "I really appreciate it, and it depends Kili, who do you cheer for?" 

"Pittsburgh" he grinned, "You?" 

"Edmonton" I replied as we headed toward my apartment. They both shot me surprised looks at that.

"What?" I questioned "I'm from Canada. And the score was 1-1 last I saw"

"Ahh" they said in unison, as if that explained a lot.

"Exactly how big is this spider?" Fili questioned, ready to open my apartment door. 

"Do you remember the spider from Harry Potter?" I asked 

"Yes" They both said slowly.

"Well I think they are cousins..." I stated. 

Fili chuckled but looked slightly worried as he opened the door and walked in "Where exactly is this-- Damn. That IS a big spider..." he trailed off. 

Kili walked in ahead of me "Man it smells good in here what are you mak-- WHOA that is the biggest giant house spider that I've ever seen!!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"That's great Kili, good for it, bad for me." I complained from the safety of the hall. "Look, if you two get rid of it for me, then you can stay for supper. Spaghetti with homemade ground turkey pasta sauce. And freshly made buns. You can even take the leftovers home AND I will sell you my soul, just PLEASE get that thing out of my house!!!" I pleaded.

Fili grinned at me "You have a deal, but you can keep your soul..... and maybe even your leftovers" he bargained, winking at me. 

"You have a deal" I sighed in relief, flushing a little from his wink. 

"Kee" Fili ordered, "Can you run home and get something to contain this thing with." 

Kili nodded and headed towards their apartment. 

"And you are NOT keeping it!!!" Fili called after him, only to have Kili pointedly ignore him. 

Fili groaned "Not another pet" he muttered in exasperation. 

"I'm sorry about this" I said hurriedly "My roommate, Tauriel, is my official spider killer, but she's off visiting her dad and our other neighbor, Elrond is at work and his boyfriend Lindir wouldn't be any help, he hates spiders just as much as I do, I could have gone to hide there but I have food cooking, and OH! can you maybe turn the burners off? I'm sorry, I can't believe that I left them on..." I couldn't stop rambling, and ducked my head in embarrassment. What a first impression I was making.

Fili glanced at the spider then quickly darted over and turned the burners off before joining me in the hall. 

"Y/N" he chuckled, gently grasping my chin to raise my head and look me in the eyes "It's all right, I don't mind helping a beautiful damsel in distress" his hand moved to cup my cheek, rubbing his thumb lightly over my scar, "So please quit apologizing."

"I'm sorry" I mumbled, flustered by his close presence.

Fili laughed outright "That's so Canadian" he teased, making me laugh and relax.

I smiled up at Fili again, but before I could say something, Kili reappeared, holding a large glass jar, with holes punched into the lid, and a newspaper. He grinned knowingly at us as he walked by.

"Please tell me that you are going to kill that thing with the newspaper!" I pleaded, as Fili stepped away and followed him into my apartment. 

"Nope" Kili replied cheerfully, "Not a specimen this big! The newspaper is just to help get Spidey into the jar!" 

"Great he named it" Fili groaned, making a face at me. 

I laughed, as I slowly edged into the apartment to see what they were doing "Kili, you would get along great with my roommate, Tauriel."

"Tauriel" he repeated as he scrambled up onto my counter, after handing Fili the jar. "Is she the tall, cute red head?" he asked me, as the brothers moved into position near the twitchy spider, Fili holding the jar below the spider, and Kili rolling up the newspaper tightly. 

"Yes, She went her brother Legolas went to visit their dad for a few days, or else she would be dealing with this vile creatuureeeee---" I finished off with a squeal as Kili prodded Satan, I mean Spidey, with a newspaper, causing it to scuttle away quickly, fortunately Fili was faster and somehow managed to scoop ~~Satan~~ Spidey into the jar and promptly screwing the lid on. 

I let out a huge sigh of relief, sagging against the wall. My home was my own again. 

"Ok" Kili started "We did our half of the deal, so when do we eat?" 

I chuckled, "Soon, I just have to make the spaghetti quickly and clean up this mess" I gestured towards the broken beer bottle "And then we can eat." 

"I'll help" Fili offered right away, handing the jar to Kili. 

"Thanks" I smiled at him, "Can you refill that pot and put it on to boil? Please? and Kili, why don't you grab us some beers out of the fridge and then go find out what the score is?" I suggested. 

"Ok" They both answered eagerly, Fili grabbing the pot, and Kili moving to put ~~Satan~~ Spidey down beside me so he could grab the beers. 

"KILI " I growled "If you put that spider anywhere near me, you'll face your death very early."

**** 

It turns out that it was Fili who kept ~~Satan~~ \- Spidey. Which I unfortunately found out the hard way when I went into Fili's closet to get him a shirt one night after Kili started a food fight. Imagine my surprise when I opened up his closet only to find myself at eye level with the eight legged minion of Hell. Needless to say I screamed bloody murder. Fili came running in, swearing, apologizing and blushing at the same time. I finally realized then, why, after six months of dating I had never seen into his closet, not because it was messy but because it was occupied. Fili told me that he kept ~~Satan~~ Spidey because he might not have met me if it wasn't for him. ~~Sa-~~ Spidey was there when Fili proposed to me and was present at our wedding.... until a certain mischievous couple, aka Kili and Tauriel, "accidently" knocked over his cage during the reception and he got out. Panic ensued and I never saw Spidey again after that. Best wedding present ever, hands down. I don't miss him, but I do thank him for bringing Fili into my life.


End file.
